


Paramedics and Projects

by Unleashed111



Series: Medical Tales of Hope County [1]
Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Canon-Typical Violence, Disabled Character, Kidnapping, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Stalking, medically heavy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:15:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27412576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unleashed111/pseuds/Unleashed111
Summary: Ryan Erkhart is dumbass, jackass, and smartass all rolled into one, but no one can deny that he's the best paramedic in Hope County. He refuses to allow anyone tell him who he can and can not help so it doesn't matter if you're a peggie, civilian, resistance member, or anything else in between - Ryan will help. When he moved to Montana from New York City he never expected to be stuck in the middle of a county about to be torn apart. What he does know is how to identify and assist in mental health issues. With no one else seemingly interested in getting these obviously mental disturbed individuals help; he takes it upon himself to getting the cultists the help they need. Including the Seeds. Not that he ever expected to get so close to the youngest Seed brother while trying to deal with his own demons that he had been running from...
Relationships: John Seed/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Medical Tales of Hope County [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024191
Comments: 18
Kudos: 44
Collections: Far Cry 5





	1. Gunshots and First Dates

**Author's Note:**

> All rape/noncon is in the past and will have warning in the beginning of the chapters in the notes! Hey please come say hi on tumblr! I'm UnleashedArt and Unleashed111. I draw things occasionally and would love if people came to visit.

**-17 months before the start of the Reaping-**

Ryan had moved out from the busy city to escape people. Against his family’s begging he decided to take a break from the city and live out in the beautiful middle of butt fuck nowhere Montana. It was perfect. He had always loved the outdoors and hiking since he was young but now he was constantly surrounded by nature. He was enjoying a quiet morning on his porch when a loud blaring tone broke the silence and almost deafened him. He grimaced in disappointment as all the birds flew away. He would have to remind himself to turn down his radio.

“Attention Hope County Ambulance, please respond to 224 High St, Falls End for the gunshot wound. Police already on scene.”

Ryan sighed. At least he had already drank his coffee. He looked at the half full cup. Ok, most of his coffee.

“S-36 responding to 224 High St.”

He tilted his head back and attempted to drink the rest of his coffee as fast as possible but just ended up spilling most of it. He cursed in his breath as it dribbled all over his shirt. He didn’t have time to change his shirt so he just pulled it off and decided to go in just his tank top.

“Received. I have you responding. 06:27.”

He grabbed his keys and ran over to his truck and flicked on the lights. He liked rural ems. Volunteers were allowed a single bar of flashing red lights in their personal car when responding to an emergency. In the city, EMS was solely a job and certainly were not allowed personal lights.

“S-42 responding directly to the scene. Tell S-36 to head to base and pick up the rig.”

“Received. I have you responding direct. 06:30. S-36?”

Ryan rolled his eyes. Sam was S-42. He was the only other paramedic on Hope County EMS. He was also an older gentleman who was set in the old ways and didn’t appreciate a new fancy city boy like Ryan coming in to step on his turf. Ryan really didn’t care for Sam and his refusal to change. Although he hadn’t put any patients at risk. Yet.

“S-36, I got the message. Heading to base.”

Ryan started to redirect his route when a different voice piped up over the radio.

“B-14, I’m responding. I’ll head over to the base to pick up the ambulance. Ryan can continue to the scene.”

“Received. I have you responding. 06:33. S-36?”

“S-36, I’m continuing to scene.” Ryan made a mental note to properly thank Lily for going to get the truck.

Lily wasn’t a paramedic yet. She was an EMT-Basic. EMTs were about the same as paramedics but they had a more limited scope of practice. They couldn’t do advanced techniques or start IVs. It didn’t make them less important. Basic life support or BLS always came before advanced life support or ALS. Most calls didn’t require paramedics.

“S-42, I’m on scene.”

“S-36, I’m right behind him.”

“Received. 06:40.”

Ryan pulled up right behind Sam and rummaged through his backseat to pull out a backpack. He learned to keep his own trauma kit in the backseat for when he responded directly to the scene. When he realized who was on scene he was surprised to see John Seed himself standing off to the side being interviewed by one of the deputies. Curiously his eyes darted down to the ground to see one of the Cult’s Chosen on the ground bleeding pretty profusely from the leg.

Ryan wasted no more time sliding on some gloves and kneeling down beside the peggie. He quickly pulled out his trauma shears and cut the pant leg free of the wound. Reaching into his bag he pulled out some gauze and quickly put as much pressure as he could onto the wound. He shook his head slightly when he realized the bleeding wasn’t stopping even with all the pressure he was putting on it.

To his irritation he saw Sam starting an IV. It was always more important to do basic life support needs before anything else. An IV would do no good if he bled out.

“Hey! What are you doing? Help me stop this bleeding! Hold pressure while I grab the tourniquet!” Ryan indicated down at where he was desperately trying to hold pressure.

“Listen, you’re still new here. I think I know how this all works. You do the basics and I’ll do the medic stuff, ok?” Sam grumbled. “Besides, he’s just a fucking peggie. He probably deserves this.”

Ryan was about to spit out a witty reply when Lily kneeled down next to him and wrapped the tourniquet around the man’s leg.

“Thank you.” Ryan smiled gratefully at her.

“AGhhh!” The man jerked suddenly and opened his eyes.

It caught Sam off guard who stumbled backwards, Ryan didn’t have time to laugh as the peggie immediately swung blindly towards the people holding his leg. Thankfully the police were doing their job and quickly came over to hold the patient down so that Lily could finish tightening the tourniquet.

“Yeah, keep going.” Ryan encouraged her when she looked at him questioningly. “Don’t stop until the bleeding stops. No matter how much they yell. Remember that they would probably want to have their life and limb over a little pain now.”

Thankfully the bleeding stopped and Ryan was able to let go of the wound and start wrapping it in some clean bandages. He noticed Sam start pushing some drugs through the IV.

“Hey! What are you doing?!” Ryan asked angrily.

“I don’t wanna talk to this guy and I’m not giving him a chance to attack me again. If you have a problem with it then you can leave.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“You can’t just chemically sedate whoever you want!” Ryan was about to continue on his rant when a different voice interrupted them.

“Is he gonna be ok?”

Ryan looked up at the voice to see John Seed standing over them. He must have walked over when everyone was distracted while they were trying to stop the patient from hitting them. The man was handsome to say the least. He had heard a lot about the Seed family but this was his first time talking to one up close.

“Can you tell us what happened?” Ryan started shuffling through his bag to find his pen light. “Did he hit his head at all when he fell?”

“He might have. Why is this important? Is he going to be ok or not?” John looked impatient but the nervous glances and twitching of his fingers gave away he was actually nervous for his follower.

“Well I can say that we are going to do our best for him, he needs to go to the hospital obviously. Are you coming with us?” Ryan continued his quick assessment looking for any head trauma before they made the big move to transfer him into the ambulance.

“Me?” John looked slightly surprised.

Ryan turned to look at him as they lifted the patient from the ground onto the stretcher, “yeah. You. Does he have a healthcare proxy? What about his family?”

John looked down at his Chosen and then back at Ryan, “I’ll come with you.”

Ryan smiled and nodded and helped him into the back of the ambulance with him. John looked slightly unsure of himself as he sat down and slowly buckled himself in. Sam appeared in the doorway of the ambulance and looked at the two of them with slight disgust in his face.

“I’m going home. You got this right?” Sam didn’t even give him time to respond before walking away.

“Uh, I’ll drive your truck over to the ambulance base for you.” Joey Hudson appeared in the doorway after him.

“Aww thanks, Joey. I knew you would warm up to me!” Ryan put a hand over his heart for dramatic effect.

She just snorted and closed the doors in his face. Ryan sighed and quickly got to work. He really didn’t think that Sam should have left him alone. He would have appreciated the extra set of hands. While the patient seemed stable for now he wasn’t comfortable being the only one in the back. He didn’t let it deter him for too long though. He quickly did a search over the rest of the patient to see if there were any secondary injuries they missed while dealing with the gunshot to his leg.

Ryan glanced over at John Seed who looked awkward in the back of an ambulance. Ryan smiled to himself.

“So why are you here?” Ryan asked nonchalantly while starting to attach the peggie to a heart monitor.

“What do you mean? You asked me to be here.” John looked at him curiously.

“Yeah, but you don’t wanna be here. I might be new here but I’m pretty sure you’re like a leader of the project.” Ryan didn’t look over at him.

John seemed surprised to hear Ryan not outright insult the project. He also was suspicious at what Ryan was hinting at.

“Of course I want to be here. I worry for all our followers. Especially the chosen.”

“Hm. I don’t disagree with that, but I don’t think you care enough to come all the way to the hospital with him and wait.” Ryan turned on the monitor with a beep and watched the rhythm slowly fill the screen. “So why are you here?”

“We care about our followers.” John repeated and sulked in his chair for the rest of the ride to the hospital.

When they arrived at the hospital Ryan got out first and turned to John who was still seemingly sulking in the chair, “you don’t have to stay at the hospital with him. We can drive you back.”

John opened his mouth most likely to repeat the bullshit about caring about their followers before Ryan shook his head and cut him off, “I know you don’t wanna spend your whole day in the hospital. Just stay here and we will be back.”

Lily looked at him with an eyebrow raised but he just shook his head. Together they rolled their patient into the hospital.

John watched them go with guarded eyes. He was curious about the new red head. It was his job to recruit for the cult so he knew all about the newcomer to town. In fact in small towns like this everyone knew when someone new moved in. Especially one as involved with the community like one Ryan Erkhart. Ryan had come from New York City and immediately joined the Hope County EMS and local private ambulance company full time. John had quickly classified him as just a big city boy who came to Hope County to become a big small town hero. At least that’s what he thought, but then he heard him chastising the other man for not caring about their followers. He didn’t quite understand what Ryan was trying to do. He wasn’t letting his guard down though.

A while later Ryan and Lily came back out wheeling an empty stretcher. They were chatting between themselves quietly as they cleaned up the ambulance around them. John hadn’t even noticed how messy it had gotten. There were bloody things everywhere and all sorts of medical supplies strewn about the truck. Once the truck looked clean again Ryan sat down across from him and started typing away on a computer. Lily shut the door and they started back towards Holland Valley.

“So where do you want us to drop you off?” Ryan asked, not even looking up from the computer.

“I should go back to my house.” John stated it like it was the most obvious thing.

Ryan looked up at him, “I never asked what you do. What’s your job?”

John raised his eyebrow. He didn’t expect Ryan to be interested in the project. “I am the Baptist. I hear confessions and help people reach atonement.”

“Hmmm, so that’s what you call it. I’ve seen the wounds that people get from your atonement. You should use more sterile instruments. They get infected a lot.” Ryan looked at him with a sour face.

“Sin needs to be worn on the flesh.” John tried to explain.

“Yeaaaah but like does it have to be put on by dirty instruments?” Ryan continued his paperwork like it was a normal conversation. “A lot of people have gone to the hospital for infection. Who cuts them anyways? They really need to a better job.”

“I do.” John deadpanned.

“Oh… um… well I could always show you how to properly clean things.” Ryan looked at him fully.

“I don’t need help. Confessions are private.” John frowned.

“Ooohh I’d love to get some private time with you.” Ryan winked.

John flushed slightly, he knew what he was getting at but he didn’t expect it. “What are you talking about? Are you going to atone?”

Ryan shook his head and laughed, “naw, I’m not the religious type. I’ll kneel but it ain’t for the lord.”

“That wasn’t very subtle.” John frowned, “are you always like that?”

Ryan gave a lopsided smile, “like what?”

“Full of sin! I should mark you with lust!” John huffed.

“Ooo, yes please! You can mark me in any way you want, as long as you respect me in the morning.” Ryan winked.

John was full blushing now. He hadn’t met anyone who was so straightforward since his days as a lawyer, “that’s not what atonement is about...”

Ryan watched him with a glint of amusement in his eyes. John was just too easy to tease. He wore all his emotions on his sleeve. Ryan may be new to the region but he already knew a lot about the Project at Eden’s Gate and the Seed siblings. He hadn’t met him in person before but he had seen people like John before. So broken by the world and manipulated into some twisted shadow of their former self. Ryan knew they needed some type of help. Maybe it was too late for John, maybe it was too late for all the Seeds but no one would know until they tried.

Ryan was used to helping people that might not deserve it. Criminals, drug addicts, narcissists, abusers- he had seen it all and he helped them all. From drunkenness to life threatening injuries. No matter their lifestyle choice, they all deserved healthcare. That was his job. Treat not judge.

“You know John, I think this atonement is kinda skin deep.” Ryan waited for his pun to land.

“Shut up!” John’s eyes blazed with irritation. “This is not funny!”

“I’m serious!” Ryan put his hands up in mock surrender, but the smile tugging on his lips said otherwise. “You can’t force people to change who don’t want to. Change comes within. Deeper than whatever is on the surface.”

“You don’t understand the power of yes. That’s why they need to say yes. That’s why they say it!” John insisted.

Ryan shook his head, “you’re still putting that pressure on them to do it.

“I’m cleansing them. Look at all our followers who have changed.” John frowned slightly.

“Yeah and how many seeked out the project and how many did you have to drag in and bliss into oblivion?” Ryan shuttered at the thought of being blissed.

Ryan paused.

“Who are you, John? I don’t wanna know John Duncan or John the Baptist. Who is John Seed?”

John didn’t respond. Ryan watched him carefully. He was at least starting to think about Ryan’s words and realizing that the cleansing didn’t so much as clean people as damage them. Like how his parents traumatized him. Did John even know who he was? Ryan could almost physically see the wheels turning in his head. His face was making strange expressions and his fingers were twitching restlessly. It was rather cute honestly, he was trying so hard.

Taking pity on the poor man, Ryan spoke up. “Ok I see your little thinker almost smoking so let me say this instead- I will atone.”

John’s mouth dropped open almost comically. It was probably the last thing that he expected him to say, but before he could say anything Ryan raised his finger.

“BUT! Please don’t bliss me or cut me up.”

John scoffed, “you don’t wanna be cut up but you wear your other scars just fine.”

Ryan reflexively touched the scar over the bridge of his nose and his eyes darkened considerably. He let a forced fake laugh, “I’ll take that as a compliment. I knew you found me attractive.”

John looked at him oddly and sensed he had stepped into something he didn’t fully understand yet, “we will try it your way for now, but trust me; I’ll prove that my way is much better.”

Ryan laughed, “ok. I’ll clear my schedule. You can even teach me some of whatever you are preaching.”

John looked at him like he grew three heads, “you want to learn the teaching of Joseph?”

“Yeah? Am I not allowed to?”

“You just don’t seem interested in learning at all.” John blinked.

“I mean you’re right there, but I wanna understand. Like it or not, most of my patients are turning out to be members of your project so I would like to understand them better.” Ryan explained. “You should take better care of them.”

“We have plenty of healthcare workers within our community.” John frowned.

“And they haven’t brought it up to you? Any concerns with the current workers?” Ryan asked thoughtfully.

“No.” John made a note to check in on the healthcare workers within the community for reasons why their followers might be avoiding them.

“Hmm, well. Nevermind then.” Ryan whistled as he did his paperwork.

John was lost in his thoughts when they hit a particularly large bump and it startled him. Ryan on the other hand looked completely at ease typing away on the computer. Then he realized that there was another seat up front. Ryan could have easily sat up front to do paperwork but he sat in back with him. John didn’t say anything but made a mental note of it for later. His mental notes about Ryan seemed to get longer and more confusing.

Ryan himself looked rather handsome. No. John corrected himself, he seemed to be too boyish and had an immature energy to be called handsome. He had striking ginger hair and wore it messily slicked back with stray strands dangling in his face. His blue eyes mirrored his own but Ryan had a more lighthearted and mischievous nature. There was a distinct scar across the bridge of his nose and a smattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks that continued down his shoulders and arms. He wasn’t sure why Ryan had only his tank top on in the cool weather. John rolled his eyes. He was probably vain and trying to show off.

“I spilled coffee on my shirt this morning.” Ryan gave a cheeky smile. “I saw you looking at me and rolled your eyes. I tried to chug some coffee when the tone went out and I got coffee all over me. I also burnt my mouth a little.”

“Good to know you aren’t a narcissist, but an idiot instead.”

“Hey, I know you think I’m hot. I’ll take off my shirt right now and I bet you wouldn’t be able to keep your eyes off me.” Ryan paused for a moment. “You’re lucky I’m cold so I’m gonna keep it on.”

“Cover up, Erkhart.” John took off his long plane coat and threw it at his face. “I want that back as soon as we get to my house.”

Ryan looked shocked for a moment but quietly put it on. John smiled smugly. He managed to stun Ryan into silence even if it was for just a moment. Both him and Ryan had very similar body builds and even the same height. The coat fit him perfectly even if it did look strange on someone other than himself.

When they finally arrived back in Holland Valley, John got out of the ambulance to see they had arrived back at the ambulance base instead of his home.

“I thought you were taking me home.” John grumbled.

“Dude, we can’t just drive the ambulance wherever we want. I’ll drive you back to your house.” Ryan explained.

“Fine.” John followed him out to his truck and got into the passenger side.

The truck was slightly messy with personal belongings everywhere and Ryan threw his trauma backpack back into the backseat with little care. About halfway through the ride back Ryan spoke up again, “So are you gonna tell me how this atonement thing is gonna work? I do have to work a lot you know. I’m not free all the time.”

John turned his head to look at him, “you come to our gatherings on the island and I will set up a time for your confession.”

“Mmmm I think it would be easier if you just did it all. My schedule is not pretty to say the least and it changes all the time. I need something more flexible.” Ryan waited before grumbling under his breath, “plus it’s a long drive.”

“What do you want me to say? I’ll do private tutoring sessions?” John threw his hands up in frustration.

“I mean. Would you? I can still go to some of your brother’s uhhhhh… preaching... but what if I miss some?”

To be honest, Ryan was not interested in going to any of those preachings. He did not want to be outnumbered in a room like that and he also didn’t know if Faith was going to be there. He heard a lot about the siren Faith and what she did to people. Ryan wanted to avoid that as much as possible. He also was more interested in getting through to John, but he couldn’t do that in a large gathering.

John just looked at him tiredly, “you aren’t gonna give up if I say no. I guess if it’s the only way you’ll look at our teaching I can tutor you, but you only get an hour!”

“Ah that’s perfect!” Ryan cheered.

John sighed. To be honest he was just as curious about Ryan as Ryan seemed to be about him, but he wasn’t sure it was the best idea to spend too much time alone with him.

Ryan dropped him off at home and handed him his precious plane coat, “I’ll see you at 11 tomorrow.”

Ryan nodded back. “It’s a date.”

“It’s not a-“ John watched as Ryan drove away laughing.

John felt a nervous tingle run through him. He didn’t understand Ryan at all. It probably was a bad idea to agree to spend so much time with him but part of him didn’t care. Before the confession he needed to know a few things first and revisit some of those mental notes he made about him. What a pain.


	2. Arson and Testicles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I was gonna alternate between my two stories but uhhhh too late now. Ryan lives in my brain. No beta. Written while working ahhaha so all mistakes are my own! No warnings for this chapter!

“Wait. You have an entire festival dedicated to TESTICLES?” Ryan slammed his hands down on the bar.

Ryan had been trying to settle into living in his new home and the Spread Eagle seemed to be a popular place among the locals. He had quickly made friends with the bar owner and decided that he should spend his days off hanging out in the bar.

Mary May laughed, “that’s right! You are welcome to join! We cook up the best testicles in all of Hope County.”

Ryan scoffed, “I don’t need an excuse to put more testicles in my mouth. Sign me the fuck up!”

“Hahaha I like your spirit, ginger.” Mary May passed him another drink.

“When does it start again?” Ryan asked as he took a swig from his bottle.

“In a couple hours. We are still setting everything up.”

“I can not believe I didn’t hear about this earlier. I could have missed out on this.” Ryan muttered to himself.

“Now that’s your own fault. You’re always off working! We barely get to see you!” Mary May said.

Ryan waved her off. He had been picking up extra shifts at work both because he exhausted his savings moving on such short notice and because he really didn’t know what else to do. Living in the middle of nowhere was extremely different from the big city. It was also unsettling how quiet it was sometimes. Ryan was used to the loud noises and hustle and bustle.

“Yeeehaw mi amigos!” Hurk burst down the door with Sharky following close behind.

“Hurk please be careful with my door!” Mary May lamented as the door slammed against the wall carelessly.

Ryan knew these two intimately. They were often the source of 911 calls from drunkenness to arson they seemed to always be up to something. They seemed like good people who just were looking to make life a little more fun.

“Eyyyyy Mr. doctor!” Sharky gave him a fist bump.

“Hahaha hi Sharky. I’m still not a doctor, but you seem to be in a chipper mood today. Please tell me you didn’t set something on fire? It’s my day off today.” Ryan patted him on the back in return.

“Not yet! We came down to stock up first!” Sharky bounced excitedly.

“Heeeellllll to the yeah bro! We love some good liquor!” Hurk whooped.

“Oooo well are you guys up to showing a boy a good time?” Ryan leaned forwards and winked at them.

Ryan watched with a raised eyebrow as Hurk paid for and started carrying a very large amount of alcohol out of the bar. Based on Mary May’s face it seemed like something they did often. He was not sure what they were about to get into but Ryan wanted in.

“Sure thing! I didn’t really figure you for the type!” Sharky laughed and led him out of the bar.

Hurk loaded up the car with the alcohol and an obscene amount of gasoline. Sharky opened the door and offered him the passenger seat.

“So what’s the plan?” Ryan hopped in.

“We are thinking about setting some bliss fields on fire…” Sharky started up the car.

Ryan pales slightly, “oh. I was thinking maybe we should stay within Holland Valley since the festival is starting so soon.”

“Naw we got plenty of time dude.” Hurk said as he got into the back. “Also not cool cuz, giving away shotgun to a ginger of all people!”

“Well I think I saw them planting some new fields in Holland Valley. I think they are trying to expand.” Ryan anxiously tapped his thigh with his hand.

“Oh! Well that works too! We were just gonna try and get rid of some of them growing near my place but that also works!” Sharky chirped happily. “Just point the direction, medic!”

Ryan visibly relaxed. He hated visiting the Henbane. He redirected Sharky towards the new bliss fields. They just started planting the other day so they shouldn’t be potent enough to cause any hallucinations. He hated being blissed. He’s been lucky enough to avoid it so far, but he just assumed he would hate it.

Sharky turned up the radio to blasting as they traveled way faster than legal down the rural town roads. He rolled down the window to feel the wind whip his hair around.

“PEGGIES!” Sharky shouted as they passed some of the growing fields where a few peggies were planting new bliss flowers.

Sharky drove past the fields and parked the car out of view a safe way out of the fields.

“Ok no killing! Or hurting. I really don’t wanna work today.” Ryan whispered as they started pulling out the gas canisters.

“No worry mi amigo! We can do quiet!” Hurk laughed as he started making molotovs.

Sharky nodded to him, “yup! Meet back here when you are done and then we will light her up!”

Ryan watched the pair crouch and rush off to start dumping the fields full of gas. Ryan’s grip tightened on his canister. He liked having a little bit of chaos in his life but he also liked not hurting people. He hoped that the people planting that they passed wouldn’t be near the fires. He approached the plants and started pouring the gas.

“I swear I heard voices. Including that crazy flame guy.”

“Yeah I heard he burnt a whole field a couple days ago!”

Ryan flattened himself against the ground as much as he could when he heard the voices approaching. He could hear their footsteps to the right of him. Looking around frantically he spotted an abandoned hoe and quickly snatched it up. He peaked up above the leaves and found the direction towards the road. He lowered himself and took aim with the hoe and then launched it like a javelin towards the road. He heard it with a satisfying thunk against the pavement.

“What was that!”

“Damn, I bet you’re right! It’s those arson guys!”

The peggies rushed over to the sound and Ryan quietly crept away. He quickly finished his section and headed back to the car where he saw Sharky and Hurk popping open some beers. He waved at them as he jogged over.

“Hey! There you are! Have a drink!” Sharky handed him a bottle. “Toast to new friends!”

“Cheers!” Ryan and Hurk clinked bottles together.

Each took a long sip and then picked up a Molotov and lit it up.

“Ready? 1… 2… 3!”

They all tossed their flaming bottle in a synchronized arch through the sky. Ryan let out a whistle as he watched them fly and smash open on the ground.

“Wooooohooooo!” Sharky’s hollored. “BURN BABY, BURN!”

The flames shot up into the sky with a brilliant flash of light even in the middle of day. Ryan smiled with smug satisfaction as he watched the ugly plants burn to the ground. He hated what they did and everything they stood for. He enjoyed watching them burn to the ground.

Unfortunately as much as he enjoyed watching the plants become ash; they shouldn’t stick around too long. Sharky was a well known arsonist and seeing them stand around a fire was not the most innocent thing in the world. They quickly finished the rest of their beers and quickly got back into the car to drive away before anyone showed up. They passed by the peggies again on the way back and saw everyone standing back in shock and horror. Ryan felt relieved to see everyone backing away from the growing flames.

“I think that was pretty good work, team!” Hurk patted them on the back.

“Definitely! I love seeing those weeds burn!” Ryan agreed.

“That is a pretty through burn job for your first time!” Sharky praised.

“Thank you! That’s high praise from a flame master like yourself!” Ryan beamed.

They started their way to the Testy Festy where the party seemed to be in full swing. There were plenty of people milling around. Ryan felt a little out of place. He barely knew these people while they all grew up together. He quietly grabbed a plate of food and sat in the corner with his beer.

“Heyyy, you're that new city boy right?” A new voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Born and raised!” Ryan turned to see who it was.

A young woman and her dog appeared next to him and took a seat. Ryan thought he recognized her before, but he definitely knew the dog. Boomer was very well known in Holland Valley. He was like a mini celebrity.

“Rae-Rae. I own the pumpkin farm with my husband, Russell, and this is Boomer!” She held out her hand.

Ryan smiled and shook her hand, “I figured a pretty lady like you would own a dog as handsome as this. You know what they say: dogs look like their owners!”

Ryan cooed at Boomer and gave him a few good pats. Boomer licked his hand in appreciation.

She gave him a funny look and laughed, “thank you I think. So, I’ve been dying to know this since you came here, why did you leave the big apple?”

“Well, I figured it was time to see the world! I’ve lived in such a small world, which is ironic considering there’s more people in New York City than Montana itself, but I wanted to experience new places.” Ryan laughed.

“Hmmm, so why here?”

Ryan thought for a moment. He really didn’t have a reason for choosing Hope County. He just picked the first place that was affordable and close to his job. He also was in such a hurry he basically chose the first place that became available. The old owners must have wanted to leave pretty badly because Ryan almost thought it was a scam, but seeing the Project he quickly understood why some people decided to leave in a hurry.

“It was just easy.” Ryan shrugged. “Cheap and close to my job.”

“That’s a fair enough reason.” She smiled and took a bite of food. “Mmm, they did really great this year!”

Ryan copied her and took a bite. It was not at all what he was expecting. He wasn’t sure if he enjoyed it, but it sure was something he could now say he ate. Bull testicles.

“Now that is a face of someone’s first time.” A man’s voice entered.

The man sat down next to Rae-Rae and gave her a peck on the cheek. Ryan assumed it was her husband or an extremely familiar friend.

“Hm. Yeah, I don’t hate it, but certainly not gonna make a habit of eating it.” Ryan smiled.

“Ooo yeah, I just like to stick with my beers.” He grinned and took a swig. “It’s always fun to do the balloon popping while drunk out of your mind.”

“Well I guess I’ll have to catch up. I got a good buzz going on.” Ryan drank the rest of his bottle.

He had been drinking steadily all day and it was starting to catch up with him. He wasn’t a light weight by any stretch of the imagination but he also didn’t have a strong tolerance.

“Medic! That was kickass today! You should come with us again real soon!” Sharky came up.

“Sure thing Sharky! Always a pleasure to…” Ryan watched Sharky bounce off excitedly. “Bye then.”

Ryan turned his attention back to the couple next to him.

“So I hear you are a paramedic!” Russell handed him another beer. “Gotta be crazy with all these peggies around!”

“Definitely didn’t expect them, but hey every small town has its quirks, right?” Ryan cracked the new bottle.

They fell into an easy conversation and a few other of the townspeople made their way over to say hello. All of them seemed equally curious about the new city boy. Ryan happily indulged their questioning. They all seemed like fine people with a common hatred of the peggies.

The sun had set and Ryan felt good and drunk, “ok Russell. If I get any more drunk I don’t think I’ll stand so let’s do this balloon popping and hope I don’t have to drunk fix anyone.”

Russell laughed and walked over to the throwing range where they set up dummies with balloons, “super simple. Just aim the slingshot and pop the balloons!”

“Let’s do this thing!” Ryan wobbled slightly.

He picked up the slingshot and loaded his first rock. He had played with slingshots as a child but he hadn’t held one in years. He decided to wing it and just started firing as many as he could in the general direction. The sun had already set but they had some lights shining on the area that barely allowed them to see their targets. Between the two of them they managed to pull it together and pop all the balloons on the dummies before the timer.

“Congratulations! You guys did it! Your prize are these party hats!”

The man handed them some offensively bright neon colored cones shaped party hats. Ryan just laughed and placed it on his head.

“Good job my partner!” Russell also placed his on his head.

“You too, bud! Remember to call me anytime you need help!” Ryan patted him on the back.

Ryan giggled and said goodbye as Rae-Rae half dragged her drunk husband back towards the car. Ryan also decided to call it quits. Luckily he lived within walking distance because he did not have anyone to drive him home.

When he got back he lazily flopped on the bed. He was probably gonna have a hangover the next day. He was lucky he didn’t work until the night shift tomorrow. Overall, not a bad way to end the day. Eating testicles and drunk slingshotting. Ryan just might like rural living.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment or kudos! Or come and visit me on tumblr! I love to talk to people!


	3. Pregnancy and Flights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am on a roll. No warnings for this chapter. Please as always come say hi on tumblr! Also never any beta. All mistakes are my own!

“Ryan! Hey! Haven’t seen you in a while!” Mary May greeted as he walked into the bar.

Ryan sat down with a big sigh, “it’s been a rough week.”

Mary May already handed him his favorite local brew and he took a long grateful sip. It was still pretty early so the bar was still pretty empty and quiet aside from the retired regulars.

“What happened? Never seen you so down before.” Mary May cocked her head.

“I had to tell a father that he was never gonna see his 8 year old son again.” Ryan looked into his glass intensely.

Mary May was silent. Ryan hated sharing things about work. People who weren’t in the field usually didn’t understand the type of stuff they would see and do. It wasn’t their fault but Ryan didn’t usually open up to them anyways.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Must be rough.” Mary May said finally.

Ryan just hummed and continued sipping his drink. Then a familiar tone called out.

“Attention Hope County Ambulance, please respond to Rye and Son’s aviation for the medical aid.”

Ryan sighed. He hoped that someone else would sign on so he wouldn’t have to deal with it right now. He normally wouldn’t mind taking calls but at the moment he was drained. With volunteer ems it wasn’t mandatory to respond to all emergencies, as it was just volunteer, but it was courteous to respond if no one else could.

“Uh, D-43 responding to base.”

“Received, 16:27.”

Each group of people had their own letter before their call number. The D’s were drivers. They had no certifications. They just drove the ambulances. There was such a lack of EMS personnel in rural areas that they allowed people to drive while the medical professionals worked in the back. If a driver signed on then they had to wait for an EMT or paramedic.

“Man, you just can’t catch a break. Are you gonna respond to that?”

“Not yet, I’m gonna hope a basic hops on.” Ryan pushed away his glass just in case he did have to respond. Usually it wasn’t appreciated to show up drunk to a scene.

Ryan let out a sigh of relief when he heard a different voice sign on, “B-12, I’m responding direct to scene.”

“Received, 16:32.”

B’s were the emt-basics. They were the base level of ems and could do a limited scope of practice. Most calls end up only requiring a BLS level of skill. The P’s were the paramedics, like him. They were the higher level of care. They could do advanced skills like IVs and had access to a much wider scope of drugs.

“Um, B-12. I’m on scene. I’m requesting ALS assistance.”

“Received, 16:41. S-36 or S-42, requiring ALS assistance for the medical aid.”

Lastly were the S’s or the supervisors. They were all paramedics but they worked a lot on the administrative side too. They had extra responsibility of coordinating and supervising the others. Ryan and Sam were the only paramedics so they were also the supervisors of Hope County.

“FUCK. That’s me.” Ryan clicked his radio. “S-36, I’m responding to Rye and Son’s.”

Ryan hopped off his chair and got into his truck. 

“Good luck!” Mary May called out after him.

He knew exactly who B-12 was. Wendy. She was brand new and for some reason always felt the need to call for help when she was even slightly uncertain of what to do. Ryan could appreciate her caution, but being uncomfortable and learning as things happen is part of the field. If the patient’s life wasn’t directly in danger then they should learn to be more independent. Nevertheless, he pulled up into Rye and Son’s. He had seen Nick Rye and his wife, Kim, around a lot but he never had a full conversation with him.

“What’s going on?” Ryan asked as he walked over the hangar where everyone was gathered.

“Oh um, this lady is pregnant and she said that she threw up everywhere and her heart rate and blood pressure are all elevated?” Wendy looked nervous.

Ryan turned his attention over to the woman who was sitting on some crates, “hi ma’am, can you please tell me what’s going on?”

“We were flying in the plane and I just got super nauseous and threw up. I got concerned about my baby.” She patted her stomach.

Ryan nodded as he listened to her story. He pulled out his blood pressure cuff and quickly took a listen. Wendy looked on anxiously.

“How far along are you?” Ryan asked as he quickly switched over to checking her pulse and O2 sat.

“Oh not long at all. Just a couple of months.” She smiled.

Ryan looked at Wendy, “ok, so her vitals were not alarming to me at all. They are slightly elevated, but she is also in a stressful situation.”

“So she’s ok?” Wendy looked less nervous now.

“Yes.” He turned over to the woman, “ma’am would you like to go to the hospital? I am not concerned about your baby. I think you just got a little motion sickness from flying. You should probably avoid planes, but if you want to go to the hospital then we will be happy to take you.”

The woman looked relieved, “oh, thank you so much. We did not expect our vacation to go like this. I think we will just head back and take it easy for the rest of the day.”

Ryan nodded, “ok, we will just have you sign this refusal then saying that we came, checked you out and you don’t want to be transported right now, but you are allowed to call back 911 at any time.”

The woman and her husband nodded fervently, “yes yes thank you so much!”

Ryan sighed and walked away, allowing for Wendy to take over again. It was just a couple who got a little bit too much excitement. They obviously got overly protective of their unborn baby and then Wendy panicked because she’s probably never dealt with a pregnant woman before. There was no need for a paramedic. Ryan looked up as Nick and Kim waved him over.

“Hey, thanks for coming. Is she gonna be ok?” Nick stuck out his hand. “She didn’t even tell me she was pregnant!”

Ryan laughed and shook his hand, “yes. She’s gonna be just fine. She probably just got way more action than she bargained for.”

“We are so sorry you have to come all the way out! We see people get sick all the time, but obviously she was being overly cautious.” Kim shook his hand next.

“No it’s ok! It’s always better to be safe than sorry, but it does just seem to be a case of motion sickness.”

“Thank god. I don’t know what we would do if you were ever pregnant, Kim.” Nick let out a loud sigh.

Kim turned to look at him, “what does that mean?”

“I just mean that- uhhh… I’m just saying-“ Nick stumbled ro recover, but he was obviously failing.

“Oh thank god, thank you Ryan!” Wendy came up to him and grabbed his arm.

Ryan jumped slightly when he saw her next to him. He wasn’t used to the overly friendly gesture from coworkers, but forced himself to relax anyways. He smiled back at her pleasantly, “oh, yes. Of course. But I want to see you be more confident in your skills! You got the making of a great EMT, but you have to have confidence.”

Wendy soaked in his advice like a sponge, “I got it. More confidence! Thank you so much!”

She squeezed his arm tighter. Ryan shifted uncomfortably and tried to pull his arm away. She was being extremely friendly and also cutting off his circulation. He gently attempted to pull his arm away, but she just followed him. He felt a little anxiety creep up on him.

“Wow you are like a little tourniquet on my arm!” Ryan babbled nervously, “you know the little stick on a tourniquet is called a windlass.”

Wendy just tilted her head and laughed at him. Ryan started sweating nervously. He didn’t know why she wasn’t letting go.

“Thank you too, Wendy! It’s nice to see you really growing up! I remember when you were such a shy little thing.” Nick quickly changed the subject on Kim before he could talk himself into more trouble.

Ryan mentally thanked Nick as Wendy quickly let go of his arm in embarrassment. Nick seemed oblivious to what was happening and Kim was looking annoyed and amused with Nick all at once. They truly were a solid couple. Ryan was almost jealous.

“Yeah, this job really helped me step out of my comfort zone.” Wendy glanced back at Ryan, “well, I guess I still have a ways to go…”

“Also don’t forget to do your paperwork.” Ryan reminded her.

“Oh yeah! Maybe you can help me with my narrative?” Wendy looked hopefully.

Ryan shifted, “uh, yeah I can look it over for you.”

“Great thanks!” Wendy’s eyes lit up as she quickly ran off to complete her paperwork.

Ryan watched her leave and started talking to the driver who finally showed up with the ambulance. Once he was sure she was out of ear shot he turned back to the Rye’s.

“Is she that friendly with everyone?” Ryan asked.

“She’s a sweet girl,” Kim shrugged. “A bit shy.”

“I remember she would just hide behind her Daddy’s legs every time I would meet her.” Nick nodded. “I guess she just likes you.”

Ryan winced. Not the words he wanted to hear. Nick laughed at him, “you scared of a teenage girl?”

“Nick, you would barely look at me in high school.” Kim put her hands on her hips.

“Hey! I was also an awkward teenager… and you were very very pretty.” Nick defended himself.

Kim just rolled her eyes and gave him a kiss.

Ryan wasn’t paying attention. He felt weird deja vu about the situation and it gave him a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He suddenly was all too aware of his surroundings and he felt too vulnerable.

“So, have you ever flown before?” Nick interrupted his thoughts.

“Me?” Ryan’s eyebrows shot up.

“Hell yeah,” Nick smiled. “I have an open flight time right now since that couple is going home. If you wanna take a ride.”

“Hell yeah!” Ryan bounced excitedly. “Let’s go!”

Kim waved as they walked off, “ok you boys have fun!”

Nick led him back towards the hangar. Ryan looked around amazed by the impressive machinery and the beautiful bright yellow plane in front of him. He had never flown before. He road tripped all the way from the city to Hope County. He was nervous, but he was confident it wasn’t gonna end up like the previous passengers. The back of the ambulance was a bouncy box of nausea that he had to overcome fast.

“Alright partner! You hope right on in and we will start her right up!”

Ryan opened the door and climbed into the passenger seat. He felt extremely excited but also out of place. There were so many buttons and lights. He wasn’t sure how Nick did it all.

“Buckle up pal! You’re gonna get the VIP tour!” Nick whooped.

“Alright! I’ve always wanted to be a flight medic!” Ryan laughed.

The pair started down the runway and took off to the skies. Ryan watched in amazement as the ground fell away and the view of all of Holland Valley came into view. He had never really seen anything like it before. He has stood on top of tall buildings and looked out over the landscape but nothing came close to what he was seeing now.

“Damn, Nick! I understand why you love this now!” Ryan shouted over the hum of the plane.

“Born and raised to fly!” Nick cheered. “We are flying over the Henbane now!”

Ryan looked down in awe to see the beautiful winding river. It was truly a beautiful area. Ryan felt disappointed that it was so ruined by the bliss that seemed to leak into the foundation of the earth. He looked up to see the enormous Joseph statue.

Ryan scoffed, “and he says pride is a sin.”

Nick laughed, “I would love to see the day that thing finally falls. I can’t believe it’s legal!”

Nick flew them towards the Whitetail mountains and Ryan could see the heavily forested area appeared to be even less inhabited than the other regions of the county. Although most of it was a State park so it made sense there wouldn’t be a lot of people living in the area.

“You should really go visit Cheeseburger the bear if you haven’t seen him already!” Nick pointed down at the large cheeseburger statue below.

“I haven’t had many days off, but sounds like a great idea!”

Nick made a sharp turn and Ryan nervously grabbed the nearest object to steady himself.

“Hey, how do you feel about doing some tricks on the way back?” Nick laughed at Ryan’s nervous smile.

“Uhhh-“ Ryan was cut off as Nick suddenly took a plunge downwards.

“C’MON CITY BOY, LET’S SEE WHATCHA MADE OF!” Nick shouted as he steeply inclined back up.

Ryan's eyes widened as he held on as tightly as possible as Nick twisted and turned wildly. A permanent nervous smile was plastered across his face. Nick continued to make steep turns and intense drops. Ryan’s stomach flipped, but apparently his years being thrown around in the back of the ambulance paid off. He let out a sigh of relief when the landing strip came into view. Kim was waiting for them back in the hangar.

“Damn, I have to admit I was just testing you a little bit after you acted scared of a little teen girl, but you passed with flying colors! No pun intended.” Nick patted him on the back as they got out of the plane.

“Thank you?” Ryan’s brain still felt a bit scrambled. “I can understand why that woman was nervous about her baby now. I’m also nervous about my baby and I’m most certainly not pregnant.”

Ryan gently patted his flat stomach.

Kim laughed, “you’re kinda a weird dude aren’t you? I like that.”

“Hey! I also did not know that woman was pregnant and I did not do anything crazy!” Nick insisted.

“Well thank you very much for that adventure. I think I need a strong shot of tequila after that though.” Ryan blew out a long dramatic breath.

“Hey, you won my respect! Come back and say hi anytime!” Nick shook his hand firmly.

“Thank you again, you should come by and have dinner with us some time,” Kim smiled. “Tell us some of your stories.”

“Lovely to meet you both. I’ll definitely see you guys around!” Ryan shook both their hands. “Thanks for the ride!”

Ryan waved as he got back into his truck and headed off home for the day. Today was supposed to be his day off and instead he had an extremely eventful day and he was exhausted. Maybe he should end his day with a nap.

A 16 hour nap.


	4. Parties and Nosebleeds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this as the second chapter and then changed my mind. No warning for this chapter. Just a little anxiety and nosebleeds. As always come visit me on tumblr!

Ryan blinked and looked at John with curious eyes, “excuse me?”

“The project is having a large celebration for our anniversary of founding. You should come.” John repeated. “It’s just gonna be food and Joseph will say a few words.”

“Are all your siblings gonna be there?” Ryan asked a little nervously.

“Of course they are. You should come and meet them. It’s important.” John tapped his foot impatiently.

Ryan had been pretty good about coming around and going over a few lessons from the book of Joseph but he showed no interest in coming to Church. He seemed hesitant on meeting the rest of his siblings which both confused and frustrated John. He didn’t understand what was stopping him. Ryan was obviously nervous about at least one of his siblings but he didn’t know why or which one.

“I wouldn’t fit in. You guys have all your…” Ryan gestured vaguely. “I have all my…”

“You seem to be fitting in pretty well from what I hear. Word around our faithful is to go to you for medical help.” John crossed his arms.

When John first met Ryan, he had hinted that their followers had been avoiding their own healthcare in favor of Ryan. They would show up at his house at all times of the day and hope he would be home. John didn’t understand why, but they said that they all were treated without question and they enjoyed his company.

“Hey, I just try to be a friend to them. A lot of your followers led some pretty interesting lives. Have you ever sat down and talked with them fully before?”

“I-“ John stopped.

He wasn’t sure when the last time he sat down and actually had a conversation with his followers that wasn’t related to the project. He knew them as their faithful but outside of their sins he didn’t know who they were before joining.

“Who they were before doesn't matter. They were sinners before and now they are free.” John decided.

“Who they were before is just as important as who they are now. You have to see them as individuals, John.” Ryan sighed. “Look at them! They have no individuality! They all do the exact same thing all day. You even dress them all the same!”

“Are you coming to this party or not?” John fumed.

He hated it when Ryan tried to weasel his way out of answering John’s questions by forcing John to think about how the project was being run. Joseph gave him purpose. They were helping people, saving them! He didn’t question his brother. Ryan would understand if he actually talked to Joseph.

“I’m working.” Ryan stated.

“I didn’t even give you a date yet.” John said incredulously.

“Well the point is I’m not going.” Ryan stated firmly.

Ryan was stubborn to say the least. John considered just having some of his chosen pick Ryan up from his house and bring him to the party whether he liked it or not. If he kept pressing then Ryan may actually avoid being in the county all together when it happens. So John pouted and decided to feign resignation, “fine. Do whatever you want.”

“Ooo anything I want?” Ryan leaned forward with a glint in his eyes. “You gotta promise to respect me in the morning, though.”

“Lust is a sin, Ryan. You will be punished for it.” 

“Ooo, please tell me you’re the one gonna be doing the punishing…” Ryan gave a wide smile.

“Count on it.”

So that’s how Ryan found himself being woken up to loud pounding on his door and two large chosen waltzing in.

“Hey what are you guys doing?” Ryan panicked as they dragged him into his bedroom.

“Get dressed, you’ve been told to go to the celebration today.”

Ryan cursed under his breath. He knew John wanted him to go to this party badly but obviously he underestimated how badly or he would have actually picked up an extra shift.

“Hehehe hey ummm as much as I would love to strip in front of you. People usually buy me a drink first.” Ryan laughed nervously.

“Get. Dressed.” The man threw some random clothes in his face and shut the door behind them.

Ryan seriously considered jumping out the window, but he had almost no doubt that they would drag him back and force him to go with even less choice. Resigning he put on the clothes and opened the door again. The men were standing uncomfortably close to the door

“Let’s go. We are expected.”

“Hang on, I need my radio strap.” Ryan insisted as he searched around his house.

He loved that radio strap. It was a gift from his parents after he graduated medic school. He just loved the fine leather craftsmanship and just something about it was just ‘cool’. He almost always had it with him but he was exhausted last night and he could barely remember what was happening. So he may have misplaced it.

“We have to go.” The man grabbed his wrist.

“Hey! Lemme go! I found it. It’s right here.” Ryan pulled at his wrist trapped by the big meaty hand.

He put it on with a satisfied sigh and finally turned to his two escorts. He gave a cheeky grin and spread his arms out wide, “carry me?”

The two men raised an eyebrow at each other and just shrugged. Ryan yelped in shock. He didn’t actually expect the men to grab him. They picked him up with ease and carried out the car. When they arrived at the Seed Ranch there were already quite a few people mulling about preparing the food and tables.

Ryan quickly made himself at home in the corner and hoped no one would look at him. He recognized a few of the faithful mulling about, but he was trying to avoid drawing the attention of the Seed siblings. Normally, he was the life of the party but he was hoping to go unnoticed today. Unfortunately it was too late for him. The other red head of Hope county was looking down on him. Ryan looked up at the taller man challengingly.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you among our faithful before.” Jacob looked him up and down.

Jacob’s eyes over him felt like he was scanning and cataloging everything. The man was ex military and intimidating for a reason. He was much taller than Ryan and had a much more muscular build to him. He probably looked like a toothpick next to him. Ryan wasn’t too worried; he had met people like him before.

“Well I wasn’t planning on being here, but you can blame your brother for that one.” Ryan grumbled.

“I’ve heard about a new person moving into Holland Valley and making themselves at home in the community. You’ve made quite the reputation.” Jacob almost sounded impressed.

“Hey, I’m just doing my job. When someone needs help then I help them. I don’t care who they are or what they have done.” Ryan stared back at Jacob steadily.

Jacob nodded, “the job is difficult. You do your best and work your life away and they throw you away in the end.”

Ryan saw the hardened far away look in his eyes and realized that Jacob might be more like him than he thought. He knew that look of a wounded man with scars on the inside that matched the outside. Ryan subconsciously rubbed his nose.

“Hahaha don’t I know it. I must work 60 hour work weeks at least. I would be super interested in hearing about your stories though if we ever find the time.”

“What like I tell you about my scars and you tell me about yours?” Jacob pointed at his own nose where Ryan’s scar would be.

Damn that man and his ability to pick out weak spots. He could see that he was testing him and poking at the holes in his armor to see what broke. Ryan smiled a little too forcefully, “something like that. Unfortunately mine isn’t as interesting! Just a crazy psych patient who got a little violent.”

Jacob raised an eyebrow, “now that I would like to hear about.”

“Awww what kind of man would I be if I just told all my stories to just anyone?” Ryan teased. “It’s all about the chase, honey. I heard you like a good chase.”

Jacob stared at him. He hadn’t been called ‘honey’ before. At least not since he was a child. He understood now why John talked about him so much.

“Oh good, I see you two have met.” John walked up to the pair with Joseph trailing behind.

Ryan shifted nervously. All the brothers were here so he didn’t know where Faith was. He was sure she was not far behind. His heartbeat quickened in anticipation. He had to stay calm.

“Joseph, this is Ryan. He’s the one who our faithful have been going to see.” John introduced him.

“I see. I'm eternally grateful for you looking out for my beloved flock. You are welcome within our commune at any time.” Joseph smiled and warmly placed a hand on Ryan’s shoulder.

“Thank you, but like I’ve said before. It’s just part of my job. People need help and I provide it.” Ryan felt like a broken record: he explained why he did what he did many times over and still people didn’t understand.

“Father, there is some commotion happening in the driveway.” The sweet voice sent chills down Ryan’s back.

He had been dreading the moment since he ever heard her name. Faith Seed. The siren. The manipulator. The kidnapper. The world suddenly felt right around him. He nervously twitched his fingers and tried to not look at her in the eye. She was small and non intimidating but Ryan knew too well what could be behind small and unassuming.

Jacob watched the newcomer’s entire disposition change in the moment that Faith had stepped in on the conversation. The boy’s posture became stiff and antsy. He was obviously uncomfortable with being forced to come to the party before but now he seemed on the verge of a panic attack. Jacob wondered if it had anything to do with the scar on his nose. It seemed like a sore subject. Jacob scoffed, he was weak.

“What is happening?” Joseph asked calmly.

“Some of the townspeople are harassing our members!” Faith tugged at Joseph’s sleeve. “Some of them are fighting! Someone is gonna get hurt!”

Suddenly the timid posturing and anxious twitching stopped and Ryan perked up, “someone is hurt? Where?”

The siblings and Ryan followed Faith outside where a group of people were shouting and standing around two fighting. Jacob stepped in immediately and pulled the two away from each other. Their follower had what looked like a bloody nose and split lip but everything else seemed fine. He was surprised to see Ryan right beside him pushing him away out of the way to get to the patient with such confidence that Jacob blinked. Where was all that anxiety?

“Get the first aid kit.” Ryan took control of the situation immediately.

Jacob changed his mind. Maybe he was not weak. He would have to keep an eye on this one. He had potential to become strong but he first had to go through as Jacob did and forget about those weaknesses holding him back. A rare hint of sadness and empathy ran through him. Jacob remembered what it was like when he was weak and suffering still. He remembered having moments where he would be sucked back into the past. Jacob steeled his resolve and vowed to make him strong.

“Hey! What is going on here?” A new voice rang out.

It was Nick Rye. He was pointing accusingly at Ryan who was helping the man off the ground.

“Hi, Nick. I’m just helping these dumbasses after they got into a fight.” Ryan didn’t even bother to turn and look at him.

Nick’s eyes glanced to the townsperson who was being held back by Jacob still, “oh. I got concerned because I could hear the commotion all the way back from my place. Or maybe that was just y’all’s loud ass party. Keep it down would you?”

“We apologize for the disturbance we were just celebrating our anniversary.” Joseph said placatingly.

“Yeah, yeah I don’t need a reminder how long y’all crazies have been living in my backyard.” Nick waved them off. “Ryan. Be careful around these freaks, ok?”

“Hahaha, don’t worry Nick. I’m not worried about them.” Ryan gave a short wave. “Say hi to Kim for me!”

Ryan was more concerned about the bleeding from his patient’s nose. It didn’t show signs of slowing at all. If it didn’t stop soon then Ryan might suggest a trip to the hospital.

“Sir, are you on any blood thinners?” Ryan asked as the blood continued to ooze from the nostrils.

“I think so.” The man tried to say with his nose pinched.

“Well, if the bleeding doesn’t stop I would suggest that we call the ambulance and you get seen at a hospital.”

“No! I can’t afford that!” The man’s eyes widened.

“Well, I can try my best… but I don’t want to see you bleed out from your nose.” Ryan sighed as he switched out the gauze as blood continued to pool.

Joseph knelt down beside the man and looked him in the eyes, “my child. What happened?”

“Father… they were throwing stuff at us! Mocking you and our mission!”

“We do not give in to our anger and wrath. You must free yourself from these things. All these non-believers will see one day.” Joseph gently pat his cheek.

“Fuck you crazy cultist!” The man started struggling in Jacob’s grip.

The man looked drunk. Which was unsurprising since just being near Jacob Seed was usually intimidating enough to make anyone pause.

“Do you want to press charges? I can get the deputies down here.” Ryan offered.

“That will not be necessary. We know who was at fault and he will be punished for his sins.” Joseph said cryptically.

Jacob threw the man out into the street, “don’t come back or we will call the police.”

The man looked at all the peggies standing around and it finally clicked that he may be outnumbered. Ryan signed as the man ran off. He was really looking forward to enjoying his time off. He had planned to go out and explore the region more today, but apparently he was being forced to stay and learn about this religion that he really didn’t believe in whatsoever. He really just wanted to go back home at this point. He turned his attention back to his patient’s nose which appeared to have finally stopped bleeding.

“Well it looks like it's finally clotted. Please be careful to not dislodge it.” Ryan sighed.

Ryan turned to see all eyes on him, but he only cared about the one set from Faith that was looking at him curiously. Ryan shifted uncomfortably and turned his attention to John instead.

“You. Owe me.” Ryan poked his chest as he walked past.

John quickly followed him to the kitchen where Ryan started washing the blood from his hands. Ryan looked at him out of the corner of his eye.

“When is this food gonna be ready? When is Joseph speaking?”

John opened his mouth in quiet shock before responding, “soon.”

Ryan looked at him carefully. For some reason John felt it was extremely important for him to meet his siblings. He certainly did not appreciate how he got here, but he might as well not turn down free food. He just hoped that Faith wouldn’t come near him in the meantime.

“Don’t kidnap me from my house next time.” Ryan warned.

John opened his mouth to argue but Ryan cut him off, “I’m serious. I’ll end all of this if you do that again. Respect my boundaries. I said no.”

John closed his mouth. All the fun mischief was gone in his tone. A haunted look in his eyes overpowered the usual spark. John was familiar with that look. Jacob would wake up sometimes and have dreams about the war or the way he would tense when something surprised him.

“I didn’t expect you to want to stay after all that.” John admitted.

“I don’t, but for some reason it’s important to you.” Ryan crossed his arms. “And I respect that. So. Respect me.”

John paused. He realized he did respect Ryan and he figured he probably shouldn’t push his luck and try to abduct him again.

“I dunno if I can respect you in the morning…” John tilted his head and smiled.

“JONATHAN APPLE SEEDLING?” Ryan gasped dramatically. “Did you just use my own joke against me?”

“Johnathan? Apple? Seedling?” John stared at him.

“I never pegged you for kink shaming someone.” Ryan leaned in close, “but if you do want me to peg you then I can arrange for that too.”

John turned bright red and spluttered. Ryan just walked away laughing, “cmon, John. Let’s see how the food is coming along. I’m hungry.”

John’s face burned red as he glared after Ryan’s bouncy retreating form. He had hoped that bringing Ryan to the gathering with the faithful would help show him their community and actually listening to the teachings of Joseph would be beneficial, but now he was just more sure that Ryan was a puzzle that he wasn’t ever gonna solve because Ryan was obviously missing more than just a few pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and kudos!


	5. Pink and Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: flashback/PTSD/Suicide mention  
> Sorry it's been so long! I promise I won't abandon this! Ryan is my boi. I actually have some plot lined out! Anyways as always No beta because sad.

_It was dark and cold. A bright pink flash of hair was the only color he’d seen in days. It nauseated him._

_“I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long…”_

_Panic. Helplessness. Trapped._

Ryan woke with a strangled gasp. 3:10 am. The angry red letters stared at him. Ryan stared back. A million disjointed thoughts rushed around his head. He felt nauseous. He needed to do something besides sit here and listen to the voices.

The memories.

Ryan got out of bed and walked outside to his porch. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. He tried to avoid smoking unless he really needed to. He took a few shaky breaths. It was May, but the nighttime was still cool. He could see his breath. He watched the smoke drift off into the night sky. He pulled out his phone.

**RYAN: Hey, I’m bored. I need to confess every single one of my dirty stinky smelly sins**

**_JOHN: No, you don’t. It’s 3:26 AM._ **

**RYAN: U right but don’t you have any sense of adventure? Come over to my house rn**

**_JOHN: This better be important._ **

**RYAN: Wait. Why are u awake?**

**_JOHN: Apparently to entertain you._ **

Ryan just smiled to himself and slid the phone back into his pocket and waited for John to arrive. He blew another gentle puff into the sky.

_“I bet you’ll never forget me and that’s all I wanted…”_

Ryan grit his teeth and threw the cigarette on the floor and stamped it out. John better arrive soon.

———

John walked up the steps of the porch to see Ryan poorly dressed for the cool weather and shivering slightly. John didn’t understand why he just didn’t go inside and get a jacket. Although he was missing his jacket his infamous radio strap was firmly across his torso. John would never understand him and his love for that thing.

“John! I must confess!” Ryan threw his arms open wide.

John scowled, “stop mocking me. You aren’t gonna confess.”

Ryan frowned, “you’ve never asked me to confess that didn’t also include cutting me.”

John shrugged.

Ryan stood up and walked over to John, “come let’s go for a walk.”

Ryan headed off into the darkness of the night and John reluctantly followed. The quiet empty street with the long open meadows of the valley running parallel to the street made it seem like the road stretched on endlessly. The two of them walked in silence for a while.

John wondered if Ryan was going to actually confess at all. Either way. He seemed shaken by something. His posture was more tense than usual. He asked him to come so he could confess. Ryan rarely talked about his own issues so John was curious. So far finding Ryan’s sin was eluding him. He hoped that hearing his confession might give him a better idea.

“You said you were gonna confess.” John paused. “I guess we can wait on the carving of your sin until later…”

Ryan didn’t respond for a moment.

“I’ve seen a lot of stuff, John.” Ryan broke the silence. “I see the sin that you talk about so much. I see it in every call. Assault, overdose, car accidents, suicides… the world is cruel.”

John blinked. Ryan’s voice was soft and sad. His adoptive parents, the Duncans, used to show him how to see the sin. Sin in everything, but importantly they showed him how to repent. How to cleanse that sin.

“Sin is everywhere. Including in us. Which is why we repent and remove it from us.” John nodded.

“I admit. I have some of that sin too, but it’s not all my sin. I have faced other people’s sin: greed, wrath, envy…” Ryan paused and then added quietly, “lust.”

“We all have multiple sins, but we have one that we feed into the most. The one that causes the most harm.” John thought back to all the sins he had carved into people.

Ryan stopped walking and turned to look at John fully, “call me prideful for loving my work or not trusting others, accuse me of sloth for running from my issues, call me lustful for flirting all the time, but don’t forget humans are complicated and for every sin there is a virtue for the same exact thing. I am complicated and I am more than whatever sin you want to define me as.”

John stared at Ryan with his mouth slightly open. Ryan kept walking. John followed slowly. The Duncans always showed John the sin in everything. Perhaps he should see the virtues too? Joseph also wanted John to love people. Maybe this is what he was talking about.

“How can sin be good and bad? That doesn’t make sense. The only way to heal is to repent.” John said.

“I am prideful of my work, but this pride also forces me to strive to do the best for my patients.” Ryan took a quick puff, “You can’t remove the impact of your ‘sin’ or bad actions. If I hurt someone then no amount of apologizing or atonement will remove the hurt they felt; even if they forgive me. Maybe atonement is just supposed to make you feel better for your bad actions.”

The two arrived at some train boxcars on an abandoned railroad track. Ryan's face lit up. He excitedly bounced over to inspect the train.

“John, look!! Trains!” Ryan looked at him with a devious look in his eyes, “ _let’s go get railed.”_

“Uh.” John felt the mental whiplash from the change in conversation.

“Oh c’mon I know you worked in the city as a big lawyer Duncan. You had to have gone on trains before.” Ryan started pulling at the door to see if he could open it.

John remembered when he first met Ryan, he had also called him Duncan.

“How did you know I was John Duncan? When we first met. You called me John Duncan.”

“I read the book of Joseph.” Ryan said casually as he gave up trying to open the door. “I was curious about you guys.”

John watched as Ryan continued to search around the train cars in excitement before settling in front of the ladder. He had a feeling he knew exactly where they were going.

“C’mon John let’s sit on top!” Ryan started up the ladder of the train car.

John watched him ascend and then sighed with resignation. He wasn’t gonna win this one. John started up the ladder and took a seat next to Ryan who had his legs swinging off the edge.

Ryan was staring up at the stars longingly, “now that’s something we don’t get in the city. It will never stop amazing me.”

John looked up and saw the stars and the moon softly glowing back. It was a rather clear night. He looked over at Ryan. The moon illuminated his face and highlighted his ginger hair.

He was still trying to pick out a sin for Ryan, but the conversation from earlier was still swirling in his head. Joseph told him to love people and Ryan said people are more than their sins.

Ryan’s eyes darted sideways and met John’s, “what?”

“Joseph told me I need to love people more.” John admitted.

Ryan turned his head towards him, “you do carve stuff into people’s chest. I know you are more cruel than you have to be, that is setting aside the fact that carving anything into anyone is not normal. You have to ask yourself if what you are doing is for yourself or for others.”

“Joseph said the same thing. He’s warned me many times about inflicting my own sin into others.” John looked down ashamed.

“I know plenty about others leaving their sin on me.” Ryan pointed to his scar across his nose.

“Are you ever gonna tell me about that?” John asked curiously.

He’d seen Ryan reference it and rub at it a few times but he never openly said much about it like this before.

“It was just a psych patient.” Ryan said quickly before changing the subject. “John, you do a lot for the project. You do recruitment, Baptism, lawyer… uh things, and are a herald. You gave up your whole life to come here for Joseph. Does he appreciate you back? Does he treat you the same way? Equally?”

Ryan seemed genuinely concerned about him and it took him back for a moment. No one usually asked John how he was doing. He was doing better than his old life. Thanks to Joseph.

“Joseph is saving us! He cares about the project and he saved me from all the sin of my old life!” John suddenly sounded indignant.

Joseph was his brother and he cared about him. Joseph saved him and showed him he could be free from sin. He promised a whole new world and new life in New Eden.

“Yeah, but as a brother. Does he care about you?” Ryan made a weird motion with his hand. “Does he do brother stuff? Err sorry I’m an only child so I don’t know what brothers do exactly…”

“I mean we have been busy but we still have dinners together as a family.” John trailed off.

He couldn’t think of the last time his brothers actually did an activity together outside of the project. He remembered when they were young and Jacob would sneak them comics and candies. He suddenly felt a wave of nostalgia. Maybe he did miss having a brother and not The Father.

“I think you’re an interesting person, John and I think you’re more than a little fucked up.” Ryan laughed, “but I am too. I think you’re smart, loyal, and cute.”

John sputtered, “cute? I’m not 5!”

Ryan laughed and leaned in close, “more importantly you’re more than this…”

Ryan gently placed his hand on John’s chest over his Sloth scar. John was sure he was flushing red as Ryan’s gentle hands carcasses the raised, angry flesh. John’s breath quickened as Ryan leaned in close. His eyes were focused downwards on John’s scar and he was frowning slightly. Up close John could see all his freckles dotting across his face and his angry scar across his nose.

John remembered what he said about the patient who inflicted his wrath on him and left a scar. There was obviously more to the story that Ryan wasn’t telling him but at this moment he didn’t care. He could feel Ryan’s warm breath and he smelled of cigarettes he had been smoking earlier.

“I hate everything this represents.” Ryan said quietly. “But if it means something to you then I guess I respect it.”

Ryan’s brow furrowed as he gently traced the letters before backing up. John was still frozen staring at Ryan. In a moment John realized how much he had come to appreciate Ryan. How he looked forward to their sessions together. He listened to John’s teachings. He put in an effort to know John outside of his work at the project. John didn’t have many friends and he’s not sure if he would consider Ryan one, but he was something for sure.

Ryan flushed pink thinking that John’s extended silence was because he did something wrong, “oh! Sorry I guess I should have asked. I know that scars can be personal!”

John knew he might regret his actions and he was definitely going to have to confess later but in the moment he didn’t care. He wasn’t well known for self restraint.

Without warning John closed the gap between them and leaned in for a kiss. Ryan’s eyes were wide in surprise but he didn’t pull away or make any movement in protest. He didn’t make any motion to kiss him back for a moment but quickly reciprocated.

Ryan closed his eyes and leaned in the kiss more fully. The memories of pink faded and were washed away by John’s blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always please leave a comment or come say hey on tumblr!


	6. Pediatrics and Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pre chapter index
> 
> Radio call signs: On the radio each person is assigned a letter and a number to be identified.
> 
> Drivers: they have no medical training or licenses except for maybe CPR. They usually just drive the ambulance for the EMT or Paramedic. This is common in rural areas due to lack of medical personnel. They have a radio call sign that starts with D.
> 
> Emergency Medical Technicians (EMT-Basic): EMTs are the basic responders they can do first aid and administer a few types of drugs. They couldn’t do advanced techniques or start IVs. They have call signs on the radio that start with B.
> 
> Paramedics (EMT-P): Paramedics are the same as EMTs but they have an advanced scope of practice. They can start IVs and administer a wide variety of drugs. They have call sign on the radio that start with P.
> 
> Supervisors: They are all paramedics who also work administratively and oversee the other field staff. They have a radio call sign that starts with S.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: flashbacks, drug addiction, needles
> 
> This one is a long one. Also medically heavy. This one took me a long time to write. I hope it is ok. I never have a beta. You are always welcome to come visit me on tumblr! Unleashedart!
> 
> EDIT: I also removed all progression of time from the previous chapters. I didn't like how it was restricting my timeline and writing. I am going to be able to do more with the timeline now.

**3 days later**

Ryan was exhausted. He loved his job but it still managed to burn him out every now and then. He was coming home after being forced to stay 6 extra hours at work. The paramedic who was supposed to come in and relieve him had a family emergency and they couldn’t find anyone else to take over.

This happened often. Trucks that are dedicated to 911, or emergency calls, have to be staffed at all times in case of emergency. If there is no one to come take your place then you are shit out of luck and have to stay.

It wasn’t even an easy shift. An 18 year old drunk and unresponsive, angry diabetic patient, and a little 12 year old girl who ran away from home; among other things. Ryan was ready to go home and maybe sleep for a long time.

He opened the door to his house and walked in to see a dark figure standing alone in his house. Ryan felt like he was dropped into ice water. His breathing picked up and his entire body froze. All those memories of pink came back.

_ Please god don’t let this be happening again. _

The figure moved and turned on the light, “I heard you could help me?”

Ryan was still unable to move, let alone think. Suddenly he wasn’t in Montana any more. He was in his tiny apartment in New York.

_ A dark figure and blinding pain radiating from his nose caused him to fall backwards to the ground.  _

A girlish giggle and a dark promise echoed in his mind. Ryan could barely think over all the static that suddenly filled his head.

“Hey man! I didn’t mean to scare you like that.” The man seemed concerned, “are you ok?”

Ryan stared at the man. The small figure faded. He was fine. He was in Hope County. The man in front of him looked like a peggie. He was shaking and sweating. Ryan steadied himself before walking forwards.

“What is going on?” Ryan tried to switch over the work mode again. His tongue felt heavy.

“My chest has been hurting. I’ve been having trouble breathing.” The man rubbed his chest.

Ryan’s mind snapped to possible outcomes. The static faded. This was an easy and familiar rhythm.

“Can you describe that pain for me?” Ryan asked as he quickly assessed the man’s pulse.

“Uhhh I dunno… feels like um pressure? Like it’s hard to breathe?” The man stuttered.

“Right, and scale of 1-10, with 10 being the worst pain ever, how bad is that pain?” Ryan asked as he rummaged through his supplies looking for a blood pressure cuff.

Ryan pulled the man over to the side and motioned him to take a seat on one of the chairs in his kitchen. The man sat down and seemed to fidget nervously. He was sweating profusely.

“9! Sometimes it’s a 10 though…” the man groaned and rubbed his chest.

“Ok, anything else wrong?” Ryan asked as took note of the track marks up the man’s arms.

He pulled out a pen light to look at the man’s pupils, but he slapped it out of his hands suddenly and pulled his arm back from Ryan’s grasp.

“Hey! Listen man, I’m not feeling good. Can’t you just help me out here? Give me something for the pain? I’m really hurting! I could be having a heart attack.” The man pulled his sleeve back down.

“I don’t have anything you want here.” Ryan put his hands up placatingly.

The man’s poor facade crumbled. He appeared to be an addict looking for some way to get high.

“Damn it!” The man stood abruptly and started pacing. “They said you could help!”

Ryan stood from his kneeling position slowly, “I don’t carry any of the drugs with me. There are laws and regulations for a reason.”

The man seemed conflicted. He didn’t appear to want to harm him in any way so he still could turn this around.

“What’s your name?” Ryan tried.

“Marcus.” Marcus rubbed his face tiredly.

“Ok, when is the last time you took something, Marcus?” Ryan pulled out another chair and sat down.

“A couple days ago.” Marcus walked over to the chair but didn’t sit back down. “I’ve been trying to get clean but… this is too much. I feel sick, man.”

“It’s hard to quit cold turkey, dangerous even. You should consult someone about your options to get clean. Slowly reducing your intake is one of the best routes.” Ryan leaned back in his chair.

“No no no, I don’t need help. One more high. Then I’m done. I’m supposed to be cleansed now. No more sin!”

Ryan was confused by the man’s conflicting statements. The man didn’t even seem to notice the hypocrisy in his own statements.

It suddenly clicked. John. Marcus was a new recruit and John most likely told him to cut out all sin in his life. John should know how dangerous it is. He knew John himself used to be an addict. He would have to talk to him later about how he treats his followers and looking out for their well being first and foremost.

“Marcus, it’s dangerous to your health for you to stop cold turkey without someone there making sure you don’t have any issues. Not to mention extremely difficult.” Ryan leaned forwards. “It’s ok to ask for help. Perhaps the action itself isn’t sinful but the intention behind it.”

“But sin is sin.” Marcus said mournfully before sitting back down in the chair.

“Yes but you no longer seek the high out of greed or whatever. You seek to make sure you have a safe recovery.” Ryan reached out and patted the man’s arm. “The antidote is made from venom. Things aren’t always black and white.”

Marcus sat in thought for a moment. He still felt sick. He would rather do anything but go through this again. If it wasn’t sinful to heal then maybe he should look into different options.

Ryan smiled at him, “I’m gonna find a list of resources you can use.”

Ryan stood up and started rummaging through his bag to find some possible options for Marcus to look into.

“Thank you,” Marcus muttered.

“Of course, just uhhh please don’t break into my house again.” Ryan shivered, he would have to increase his security or something. “How did you even get in?”

“Err, I’m pretty good with locks.” Marcus said sheepishly.

“Wow, even with all your trembling!” Ryan looked up from his search. “Did you work with locks or something?”

Ryan loved this part of the job. Meeting new people and learning their story. So many people had interesting lives and everyone is just the cumulation of all the unique events in their lives.

“Oh! Yeah, I mean my dad used to be a locksmith. I always wanted to be a blacksmith.” Marcus smiled fondly.

“Damn, I like a guy who can swing a hammer and knows his way around a sword.” Ryan laughed.

A piercingly familiar tone called out from the radio before a voice crackled to life.

“Attention Hope County Ambulance, please respond to 1548 Orchard Rd, in the Henbane for the unknown medical.”

There was a long pause. Ryan didn’t want to respond if he didn’t have to. First reason being he didn’t want to leave Marcus alone in his house and secondly because he just worked overtime and he was tired. Thirdly, he hated the Henbane.

“B-14 and D-43, we are responding to base.”

Ryan breathed out a sigh of relief. That was Lily and her boyfriend. They often responded together. He trusted that Lily would only call for ALS assistance if she really needed it. He really should do something nice for them. Wait what was he doing? Right, papers. Marcus.

“Oh uh, so here are some pamphlets about some clinics nearby. For now I would go to the emergency room and see if they can help.” Ryan smiled and handed him a small pile of papers.

“Thanks again man.” Marcus took the papers gratefully.

He stood and wavered. He seemed unsteady and he was still shaking. Ryan looked at him with concern. The radio chatter crackled in the background and Marcus grimaced from the noise.

“Are you ok to drive?” Ryan asked. “We can go in the ambulance if you want.”

“No, I’ll be ok. I have some others from the project who I can call to bring me to the hospital.” Marcus shuffled awkwardly.

Ryan watched him with concern as he made his way out the door. He watched as Marcus made his way to the driveway and promptly vomited on his front lawn. Ryan signed. He would have to make a mental note of where that was so he didn’t step in it in the morning.

Ryan continued to keep an eye on Marcus before bright headlights appeared and Marcus got into the car and left. Ryan let out a sign of relief. He really didn’t want to drive him to the hospital. He was glad Marus appeared to be stable enough to go on his own.

Ryan looked back at the few supplies scattered across the room. He gathered it up and placed it back into his bag safely. He sighed loudly before pulling off his dirty uniform and prepared to take a shower and just allow the day to end when a tone went off again.

“Requesting ALS assistance at 1548 Orchard Rd. Reported as a 6 year old female unresponsive. CPR in progress.”

Ryan closed his eyes.  _ Fuck. _

He picked up some clean clothes and threw it on before rushing out the door.

“S-36 I’m responding to Orchard Rd. Tell them to start transport. I’ll meet them en route.”

He better be able to save her at least. Please let something good come out of this day.

“Received, 19:37.”

Ryan drove until he saw the sign for the Henbane. He felt some slight unease but he ignored it and continued forwards. He was exhausted and pediatric calls were never easy.

“D-43 we are transporting, we will meet up with Ryan en route to the hospital.”

“Transporting, 19:58.”

Ryan’s knuckles tightened on the steering wheel. He didn’t exactly have a plan to have children and start a family but he thought about it before.

Pink memories crept back towards him.

Ryan shook his head he couldn’t get distracted right now. He could see the bright flashing red lights long before he saw the ambulance. He saw Lily’s boyfriend, David, wave at him as they pulled over so he could climb in the back.

He didn’t like leaving his truck on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere but right now there was a 6 year old that needed him more than his truck.

Ryan swung open the back of the ambulance.

It was a mess inside. Lily was focused on doing chest compressions while Wendy was focused on the airway. He didn’t even hear Wendy call on. He must have been really out of it. A sobbing woman sat by her side. Ryan cringed. He never liked to work with over emotional family or friends nearby. They usually got in the way.

He climbed inside and immediately started working as fast as possible. He grabbed the heart monitor and attached the leads to the girl’s chest. He transferred the defibrillator pads to the heart monitor.

“Ok, who is gonna give me the low down?” Ryan asked while quickly assessing the heart rhythm on the monitor. Ventricular fibrillation or V-fib. Not good. Better than nothing though. Ryan looked at the girl and quickly estimated her size. He calibrated the monitor and started charging it.

“6 year old female went missing about an hour ago and was found unconscious in the Bliss field next to their house. She was unresponsive with low BP and pulses.” Lily quickly rattled off while keeping compressions going. “She stopped breathing and we lost pulses about 10 mins ago. No shockable rhythm yet.”

“Well that just changed. We got V-fib. Clear for a shock.”

Both Lily and Wendy backed off and Ryan administered the shock before they quickly resumed CPR. The girl looks so small and motionless. Her pale skin glowed under the harsh fluorescent ambulance lights. The woman was still crying loudly.

“Ma’am? Are you mom?” Ryan addressed the woman as he reassessed the heart rhythm.

No change from v-fib. Lily looked exhausted but determined as she continued chest compressions.

“Yes!” The woman looked at him tearfully. “We don’t know what happened! She went outside to play after dinner and we found her lying in a field of those god awful flowers! We told her to stay away from them but she didn't listen.”

“Ok, what’s her name?” Ryan asked as he quickly moved around the moving ambulance to grab supplies to start an IV.

“Molly.” Mom held her daughters still hand.

Ryan gently poked the vein. He would rate 6/10. He liked to rate how difficult it would be to insert the IV sometimes. Some veins liked to be more difficult than others. He looked at the arm intently. He got distracted by the small size and how easily he held it in one hand. Too damn young. He pushed the thought aside. He needed to focus and help this girl. He quickly slid the needle in.

“About how much does she weigh? Do you know?” Ryan looked up at mom.

“I don’t know. Her physical was 3 months ago. She was 55 pounds.”

“Ok, I’m gonna ask you to keep calm and we will keep you updated with everything we are doing to keep you in the loop ok?” Ryan said as he unlocked the drug box and pulled out epinephrine.

He did the quick mental calculations to determine the dose with the girl's weight in mind and drew up the epi, “I’m going to give her some epinephrine to try and get her heart back on track.”

He pushed the drugs through the IV and watched for a change. After a few moments without change he slid around and picked up more supplies. The girls were still working hard at compressions and respirations. Wendy had taken over compressions for Lily who was now sitting and maintaining the airway. It was normal protocol to switch whoever was doing chest compressions every two rounds to prevent anyone from getting too tired.

Ryan glanced at the monitor which was advising another shock. He glanced up at Wendy who seemed focused. He was proud of her to be doing so well under pressure. She was usually so unsure of herself. It was nice to see her grow.

“Wendy, would you like to press the shock button? Everything is all set up.” Ryan pointed towards the monitor. “Just the big fun yellow button.”

Wendy looked at him with wide eyes but nodded firmly. She continued her compressions and then backed off.

“Clear!” She shouted maybe too eagerly before pressing the shock button.

They quickly resumed CPR. Ryan smiled and patted her on the back. He could feel her tense slightly under the touch and her face flushed slightly red. Ryan suddenly remembered the incident at the Rye’s where she had been overly friendly. That was a problem for later.

Ryan grabbed the airway kit and took a deep breath. The next step was intubation. Intubation was basically sticking a tube down the trachea to breathe for the patient. Intubation for children was always harder because their airways were much smaller and required more precision. He quickly squatted next to Lily and nodded at her.

“Ok mom, we are going to intubation her now. It’s just going to be easier for us to get her oxygen this way.” Ryan said as he waited for Wendy to finish her set of compressions before quickly opening Molly’s mouth and slipping the laryngoscope in.

Wendy tried to help as best she could. She handed Ryan the small tube and he quickly slid it down into place. He handed it off to Wendy to continue ventilations and let out a sigh of relief to see her chest rise and fall correctly.

Ryan checked his watch quickly, 4 minutes passed since his first epinephrine injection. He quickly prepared a second dose as well as prepared a dose of amiodarone.

“Ok we are going to do another dose of epi and then a dose of amiodarone.” Ryan quickly explained.

Ryan looked at Molly’s face curious and pulled out his pen light. He gently pulled back the eyelid and waved the light directly into her eye. The pupils remained wide and unresponsive to the bright light. Ryan sighed and checked the other eye. Same thing. Pupils dilated and unresponsive to light.

“Damn.” Ryan muttered under his breath.

This fucking bliss. Did the project even know anything about this stuff or did they just use it recklessly? Ryan saw what it did to people. At best they were kidnapping people. They were getting people addicted to this stuff. Ryan didn’t know how long this girl was in the bliss field but it was long enough to throw her into cardiac arrest.

The three of them in the back took turns doing compressions so they wouldn’t get too tired and Ryan continued the epinephrine injections at regular intervals. Hospital was still 10 minutes away.

He looked over to Lily. She looked exhausted. They had been working the code for almost 30 minutes now. Ryan had just worked a long shift himself and was already exhausted before even coming. Ryan handed off compressions to Wendy so he could call the hospital and let them know they were coming. It was common practice to alert the hospital of incoming patients so the hospital could prepare for their arrival.

“This Hope County ambulance calling with an entry note.” Ryan ran a hand through his hair tiredly, “we have a 6 year old female in v-fib. Mother states she was found in a field of hallucinogenic flowers. Unknown exposure time-“

Ryan’s heart leaped to his throat as the monitor flatlined. The mother started screaming and grabbing at her daughter.

“She’s in asystole. I have to go, we are about 10 minutes out. See you on arrival.” Ryan didn’t wait for an answer before hanging up the phone.

Ryan grabbed the mother and pulled her away from interrupting the girls from their CPR, “hey! Please calm down! We aren’t giving up yet.”

“PLEASE, SHE’S MY ONLY BABY!” The mother sobbed and slumped over.

Ryan released her and gently patted her on the back, “we are going to do everything we can, but you have to let us do our work.”

The mother didn’t respond. Ryan smiled encouragingly at her and went back to work. He was not optimistic about bringing her back. It’s been almost 30 minutes and she just lost all electrical activity in her heart. Ryan glanced at the crying mother. He wasn’t going to give up. If not for his own conscience then for the mother who may end up without a child.

They arrived at the hospital and the pediatric team was waiting outside in the ambulance entrance for them. They quickly unloaded the girl and moved her into the hospital. There she was swarmed by doctors and nurses quickly taking over care.

Once she was safely in the care of the hospital they all went back out to the truck to clean their mess. Instead they were greeted with the welcomed sight of a clean ambulance. Ryan nearly cried at the sight of David waving at them.

“AH! Lily! Imma kiss your boyfriend!” Ryan exclaimed upon seeing the clean truck. “I take it back, this is blowjob worthy.”

Lily laughed and threw herself into his arms, “hands off, I found him first.”

“Are you also offering a blowjob? Otherwise I might have to take Ryan up on his offer.” David smiled at her.

“Hey! I will offer much more than that,” Lily playful slapped him. “But thanks for cleaning the truck, babe.”

“Naw it was my pleasure. I saw how hard you guys were working back there and…” David looked down sadly. “That can’t be easy. I know Molly. Sweet thing. Polite. Can’t believe it.”

A sobering silence fell between all of them. Wendy looked at Ryan and shuffled awkwardly. Ryan looked at her expectantly.

“I wanna stay.” Wendy said firmly. “I wanna find out what happens. I have to know what happens.”

Ryan shrugged, “I have to stay and refill the drugs and grab more supplies. Plus I have to write that report. We can ask the family if they wouldn’t mind.”

“Ok we will head over there and you come meet up with us when you’re done.” Lily nodded her head.

Ryan wandered through the hospital in a daze. He was barely aware of his body. Felt like he was floating. He refilled the drug box and securely locked it away in the ambulance before grabbing the computer and prepared to type the report. He walked back to the waiting room where the family and everyone was waiting anxiously for any updates.

He was quickly swarmed by thankful family members.

“Thank you so much for getting her here.” The mother cried. “When your friends asked if they could stay and wait with us I was over the moon. God bless you all for caring so much about my daughter. Stay as long as you want.”

“No problem,” Ryan held her hand softly. “We love to see a happy ending as much as you do.”

Ryan felt a warm feeling flood him. Thankful people always reminded him why he did this job. He loved the calls that weren’t like this. The simple ones because those are the ones where you can fix what’s wrong. With all the excitement over he was feeling very exhausted again but he had to finish his report.

After a while of boring paperwork Ryan let his mind start to wander. How could this have happened? John had spoken to him about the Bliss before. He seemed pretty sure it was relatively safe. Maybe he was being too soft on John and the Seed siblings. They were basically kidnapping and torturing people at this point. He wanted them to get help as much as the rest of the peggies in the cult but he also knew that forcing them to change wouldn’t do jack shit. People only change if they want to.

Ryan drifted to the kiss he shared with John. He quickly pushed it from his mind though. He was too tired to make sense of this all right now. He decided to lean back in his chair and take a quick nap instead. A quiet nagging voice reminded him he can’t run forever.


	7. Friends and Toasts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies! I am back with another chapter. No warnings for this chapter. A bit of a slow chapter, but I hope you all enjoy it anyways. I think Ryan needs a break after last chapter anyways aha. As always please comment or come say hi on tumblr. Never have a beta so all my mistakes are my own.

“Ryan.”

Ryan jolted awake with a start. His eyes snapped open and met with Wendy’s looking at him with concern. His eyes snapped to the team of doctors and nurses shuffling slowly out of the room. Ryan felt his heart plummet.

A sharp wail came from the mom as she all but collapsed to the floor. The doctor murmured to her apologetically. Ryan felt sick.

Ryan stood and quickly ushered their group out back towards the ambulance bay to give the family space to grieve. He was curious about what happened. He wanted to know what went wrong. The bliss is such a powerful and unknown drug. He figured he would just ask his nurse friend later. They headed back to Hope County silently.

“What happens next?” Wendy asked in a small voice.

“Well no one knows-“ David started but Lily smacked him.

“She means what does the family do. Not what happens after death.” Lily corrected.

“Well with any child death then there will be an investigation.” Ryan said darkly. “Maybe a long overdue one. Those peggie fucks can’t do whatever they want.”

Everyone stared at him in surprise. Usually Ryan never spoke poorly of the project and respected their wishes to be referred to their proper names. Lily leaned in, a touch concerned for her friend.

“Hey, let’s not think about that. Let’s go back to our place and have a couple drinks. In honor of Molly.” Lily watched Ryan carefully.

Ryan broke into a smile, “yeah that sounds like a good idea.”

“What about your truck?” Wendy chimed in.

“Oh, fucky foo. You’re right.” Ryan sighed, “ok drop me off at my truck and I’ll meet you guys back at your place.”

Lily nodded, “sounds like a plan.”

Ryan felt a buzz from his phone. He looked at the message and felt his anger rise again.

**John:** I heard the ambulance was called for a little girl in our bliss fields. Is she ok? What happened?

Ryan gripped his phone tightly. He knew exactly why John wanted to know. He only cared how the project would look. What legal stance to take. He would get them out of it and then this little girl wouldn’t get justice.

**Ryan:** u do realize I am bound by HIPPA the same as other medical professionals

**John:** I didn’t realize you were a professional

Ryan scoffed. He knew John was joking and poking fun of him and usually it wouldn’t bother him but now it irritated him. He was very professional and very careful not to let his personal life leak into his career. Ryan couldn’t help but feel offended.

**Ryan:** Maybe you didn’t realize because you were too busy ripping people’s skin off like a fucking sadist

Ryan bite his lip. Too harsh. He deleted the text. If he came across as too grumpy then John would know something serious happened and he would prefer to keep him completely in the dark on the matter.

**Ryan:** You let a young girl wander into your field of drugs and you call me unprofessional?

Ryan sent it and slipped his phone back into his pocket. It was vague enough about the girl’s fate and salty enough to get the message across. He should probably avoid John for the rest of the night. At least until the stinging loss left him.

David pulled up next to his truck which was safely tucked away on the side of the road where they left it. Ryan got in and rubbed his face very tiredly. Today has been too long. He even slightly regretted accepting the invite to drink. He really just wanted to sleep at this point but he knew everyone else was hurting just as bad and perhaps a toast to Molly’s memory wouldn’t be a bad idea.

Ryan slowly made his way over Lily and David’s house and pulled in the driveway with them right behind him. Ryan had been over their house in the past. Him and Lily had become quick friends in the beginning with both of them bitching about the management at the Ambulance Corp and talking about general medical stuff.

“Man, I forgot that it was my turn to host,” Ryan lamented.

David unlocked the door and welcomed them in.

“Don’t worry about it. After learning how you cook I think David and I would be glad to host if it meant you wouldn’t make food.” Lily laughed.

Ryan squawked indignantly, “HEY! I cook fine! You just don’t like my recipes!”

“No I don’t.” Lily gave him a cheeky smile.

Ryan huffed and plopped onto the couch. Wendy looked confused.

“Wait. What food?” Wendy tilted her head.

“Ryan makes abominations. Try his strawberry fish pasta… scary.” Lily shuddered. “Which reminds me. Are you going to the Rye’s cookout? It’s an open invite to all, just bring some food.”

“Oh! I didn’t hear about it. When is it?” Ryan perked up.

He loved hanging out with the Rye’s and free food always appealed to him.

“Saturday starting at 1pm.” Lily looked at David who was handing out glasses.

“I’ll definitely be there!” Ryan nodded excitedly.

“Please don’t poison everyone.” Lily begged.

Ryan just laughed. He was definitely going to bring something to ‘poison’ everyone.

“Wait aren’t you too young?” David looked at Wendy.

Everyone looked at Wendy and simultaneously remembered she was 19. Wendy turned red. She was basically the baby of the group. The youngest and least experienced.

“Hey, I turned 20 last week! It’s also one drink for Molly.” Wendy waved her arms.

A somber silence fell over them as they remembered why they were gathered. Ryan shrugged it was Lily and David’s house and alcohol. He would leave the choice to them. He didn’t really care.

“Ok, one drink.” Lily shrugged. “I ain’t no lame adult.”

Ryan gasped dramatically, “Lilliana. Are you… PROMOTING UNDERAGE DRINKING?”

Lily made a ridiculous face back at him, “I would NEVER break the law!”

Ryan just shook his head and smiled at her. This is exactly why they had become such fast friends. Lily worked hard in the ambulance and she was pretty fun to hang out with.

“Alright, I got some scotch or uhhh this vodka I found lying around. You guys pick.” David held the two bottles.

“Voooddddkaaaaa!” Lily cheered.

“Uhhh why not both?” Ryan shrugged.

Lily glared at him. David just laughed and poured him a shot of both, “good luck with this.”

“I’ve never had scotch before.” Wendy smiled.

David poured himself and Wendy a little bit of scotch and then they all held up their glasses together.

“To Molly.” Lily declared.

“To Molly.” They all clinked glasses and downed their drinks.

Wendy coughed loudly, “wow.”

Ryan stared at his empty glass. He wondered if there was even anything they could have done to save her. The Bliss is such an unknown and new drug. It was stupid and reckless to use without knowing anything about it. Maybe he should research it more. The project had to know more about it. Faith’s chemists are the ones making all that stuff into powder and oil or whatever. There was no way that girl overdosed just by walking in the fields.

“Does it ever get easier?” Wendy asked quietly.

“Yes and no.” Lily looked at her. “It always hurts the same but you get better at dealing with it and coping.”

“You also become a DICK.” Ryan chimed in. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dealt with codes and then right afterwards gone and bitched about the family being obnoxious. It’s becomes just another part of your job.”

“You do become desensitized to a lot of things,” Lily admitted. “But you also may just be a dick.”

Ryan shrugged. Sometimes grief does weird things to people and most of the time it makes his job harder. Fundamentally he knows that they just lost a loved one but at the same time going nuts and screaming at the ambulance crew does not help anyone.

“Well does anyone want another round?” David asked.

“God, please.” Ryan held out his glass.

“I’m ok. I should go home soon.” Wendy said. “My parents are probably wondering where I am.”

“Hehehe, baby…” Ryan giggled.

Wendy flushed red. Lily whacked him.

“Ow.”

“Well. I’m feeling ok. So I’m gonna drive home now. Ryan, would you walk me out?” Wendy stood up.

Ryan’s eyebrows shot up but he complied and stood up anyways. Wendy was being unusually confident and forward today. She did great working the code and appeared to be handling the grief pretty well too. Wendy waved goodbye to Lily and David and headed for the door. Ryan followed her.

“You did really great today. I’m super proud of how much you’ve progressed! You’re so much more confident and I think that you’ve really grown out of your shell.” Ryan smiled at her as they arrived at her car.

“Thanks. I’ve really been working on it.” Wendy opened her door. “Oh and uh Ryan…”

Ryan tilted his head, “yeah?”

Wendy didn’t speak for a moment. She seemed to struggle with her words before settling on, “I’m really glad you came to Hope County.”

Ryan broke out into a smile, “thanks. I really enjoy it here. It’s been a pleasure meeting everyone. Goodnight, Wendy!”

“Goodnight.” Wendy closed her door.

Ryan watched her drive away. He lit up a cigarette. He really did meet a lot of people in Hope County. He didn’t exactly consider himself close friends with anyone. John was perhaps the closest friend he had. He spent a lot of time at Seed Ranch when John would do his teachings for him. They would inevitably end up going off topic but they would talk about anything. Lily was also a good friend but he mostly spent time with her at work and occasionally they hung out after hours.

He put out the cigarette and walked back inside. It was almost sad that his only friend in Hope County was a crazy cultist. He needed new friends. Maybe going to the Rye cookout would be beneficial.

“Ah you’re back!” Lily was already in the middle of pouring him another shot.

“Hahaha looks like you’re trying to make me stay the night.” Ryan picked up his glass. “I wouldn’t mind a threesome with you guys.”

“You wish. No, it just seems like you’re kinda tense and I think some good ol’ alcohol will make that change.”

Ryan drained his glass. He definitely was feeling tipsy now. Lily was definitely trying to get him to talk and he hated to admit that she was winning. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to admit that he kissed one of the leaders of the cult that was involved in the death of the child they just failed to save though.

“You ma’am are not a sneaky one, but you got me anyways.” Ryan shook his finger at her.

“Awww c’mon Ryan! You never talk about your life in New York, your family, your old friends, your ex’s…” Lily leaned back. “Like Wendy!”

Ryan almost spit out his drink, “what about Wendy!”

“She likes you. Duh.” Lily said.

“Yeah man, even I saw that one from like 100 feet away.” David sat next to Lily.

“Ok.” Ryan said dumbly.

“Well? Are you gonna ask her out!?” Lily wanted to reach forwards and smack him. Men.

“I uh…” Ryan garbled.

“Oh man. You are so socially inept sometimes.” Lily groaned.

Ryan reached forwards and poured himself another shot. He was not drunk enough for this. He drank it all at once and sighed.

“I’m not interested in Wendy.” He decided on.

“Wow thank you.” Lily said sarcastically.

“Aww man, why not? She’s sweet and cute and obviously has a thing for you.” David said.

John Seed popped to his mind. Ryan pushed it away.

“I just think she’s too young for me.” Ryan lied through his teeth.

“Hmmm I don’t think that’s it.” Lily narrowed her eyes at him.

Ryan started sweating nervously. This was suddenly starting to feel like an interrogation. He decided to quickly change the subject, “so we should probably do some research into the effects of Bliss, huh.”

David looked at him wide eyed, “you’re probably right, but we don’t have that type of technology or people who can research that type of stuff.”

“The Project must know. They have to know with all the stuff they make with that shit.” Ryan tapped his chin. “Maybe we should do some investigating and ask them about it.”

Ryan thought about going into the Henbane. If he could just understand the effects then maybe someone could figure out how best to counter them. He wasn’t going to wait around for the next overdose.

But.

He hated the Henbane. Voluntarily going into that Bliss soaked place seemed like absolutely a bad idea. The idea of losing himself in those fields made him feel sick.

“You are already interested in someone.” Lily announced.

“Wha- no!” Ryan gripped his glass tighter.

“Ohhhh ho ho! Yes!” Lily said in a sing-song voice. “Who is it?”

“There is no one else.” Ryan said firmly.

He had a feeling that Lily was not going to give up unless she got something from him. He weighed his options. He decided to toss her a bone.

“Awww c’mon. Don’t lie! There is someone!” Lily begged.

“Wendy reminds me of someone I used to know.” Ryan added quietly, “someone who hurt me.”

Lily quieted down. She looked more concerned now. She hadn’t ever heard Ryan get so serious before that wasn’t about a life or death medical situation.

“I’m sorry. Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Naw, I’m ok now.” Ryan set down his glass.

Lily looked doubtful but dropped it. They had enough for tonight. David was already snoozing on her shoulder. She smiled at him and kissed his forehead.

“Ok, well. You are welcome to stay until you sober up or you can sleep on the couch here.” Lily gently shook David awake.

“Thanks.” Ryan nodded at her. “Goodnight.”

He watched them retreat into their bed room and get ready to sleep. He considered lying down and taking her up on her offer to spend the night. He leaned back and closed his eyes instead. The hum of the fridge and the creaking of the wood was too foreign. He felt too aware of his surroundings.

He stood up and got some water instead. He never liked sleeping in new places. He always felt on edge. The buzz he was feeling was fading. He felt exhausted. He never got to shower. He wandered outside and prepared to get into his car to drive home. He paused and looked at the moon above them. He smiled. It really never got old. Looking up at the stars he felt small. He let out a big breath.

It would be ok.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a beta. All mistakes are my own!


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